first off – thank you SO much to all the people that reached out today.  you guys are so wonderful and too numerous to mention on the blog.  i’m so sorry i haven’t returned calls, emails and texts.  i’m overwhelmed with the love.  thank you so much.  so, so, SO very much.  <3

today was very… emotional.

i picked up mom at the airport today fully expecting her to be in the same state she was when i left her and it was a completely different mama today.

instead of being angry, agitated, and anxious – she was just sad.  really, really, REALLY sad.  she cried and cried and went through several belongings saying, “give this to so-and-so, if this person wants that make sure they get it…”  it was tough.

after visiting with mom’s doctors and hospice case manager on the phone yesterday and all morning today before the mamas arrived we decided the best plan of action was for me to bring her to directly to the ER from the airport.  that way they could evaluate her status and check her levels and then i would have help from the case managers for discharge.  in oregon – she had 100% convinced herself that she didn’t need any doctors and wasn’t near sick enough for hospice.  which, sadly, just isn’t the case.  i was expecting her to refuse treatment both from the hospital and hospice – but it didn’t go that way at all.  it was the exact opposite.  she wanted help from everyone.  she consented for hospice care after we met with her case manager and she explained that some people graduate from hospice and hospice was palliative care focused on pain management and keeping patients comfortable.  she really liked that idea.  <3

and so… i brought her back to highgate tonight and helped her settle back in.  i worked it out with highgate and they allowed me to bring her bed into the room and i bought a dorm sized fridge and stocked it with water, caffeine free diet dr. pepper, grapes, strawberries and yogurt.  all her faves.  it was a long night – but i feel good about it.  even through the major MAJOR smoke god gave us the most beautiful sunset.  i missed montana.  🙂

unfortunately as soon as we arrived at highgate she again became very anxious again but we left the hospital with a sleeping pill until she can be admitted into hospice tomorrow.  so hopefully that will take the edge off.

when we got to highgate tonight is was about 5:45 pm and she headed to the manor for dinner while i finished getting her room together.  dinner runs from 5-6pm and so most the residents were visiting over dessert.  mom tried to sit at her “normal” table but a new resident had taken “her” seat.  she attempted to inform said resident she was in “her” seat and asked said resident move from her table so that she could sit with her friends and when the new resident refused – mom got really upset.  the highgate staff tried to help but they put her at a table by herself and she was really defeated.  and angry.  i told her to just get her buns over there early for breakfast and sit in her seat at the table her friends sit at.  problem solved, right?  we’ll see.

all in all – i feel at peace tonight.  both the case manager in the ER and at hospice were absolutely wonderful.  so kind and compassionate and really great with mom.  i should have gotten them involved months ago.  i finally feel like i have the help i’ve needed for so very long.  i’m so grateful.

please do keep us in your prayers.  we are battling – no doubt.

and – if you talk to mom – please don’t mention this blog.  she HATES her business out in the open – but i just feel like this is a great way to keep everyone updated and also just get these day to day happenings on paper (so to speak) so that one day i can revisit them and find comfort.

until tomorrow… <3