mama bear wrote a letter to you.  i thought it’s time to share it:

Hi everyone.  Thanks for coming.

Months ago Kenzie and I talked about what I wanted my last days to look like and whether or not I had anything to say to anyone.  It seemed so final and I had a very hard time deciding what I’d leave you all.  What do you say on your way out?

I’m not ready to go.  I’m going to fight even though I know only the big man upstairs can help me now.  I’m praying for a miracle every night.

But – if he decides it’s my time and I just can’t stay – I’m going to be with my husband.  My big bubba and we will be ridin’ Harley’s with Son in a sidecar beside us.

Please know that these are my wishes for you:

I wish to have my family and friends know that I love them very VERY much.

I wish that everyone in this room will help keep me alive in memories to my grandbabies.  They are so precious and they are my heart.   I would have loved to be here to watch them grow up.

I wish to be forgiven for the times I have hurt you.

I wish to have my family, friends and others know that I forgive them for when they have hurt me in my life.

I wish for my family and friends to know that, while I don’t want to die, I do not fear death itself.  I truly believe it’s not the end, but a new beginning for me.  I’m looking forward to seeing Daniel.  I really miss him.

I wish that you all forget what I looked like without teeth.

I wish for all my family members to make peace with each other before my death, if they can.

I wish for my family and friends to think about what I was like before I became seriously ill.  I want them to remember me that way after I’m gone.

I wish for my family and friends and those around me to respect my wishes even if they don’t agree with them.

I wish for my family and friends to look at my dying as a time of personal growth for everyone – including me.  Daniel used to tell me not to take life too seriously – none of us get out alive.  Guess he was right.

I wish for my family and friends to get counseling if they have trouble with my death.  I want my life to give them joy and not sorrow.

I wish to be buried next to daniel.  I’d like you to cut a hole in his casket and then in mine and stick our arms through it so we can hold hands forever.  I realize this would cost a lot of money so I’ll forgive you if you don’t do it.

When you think of me, remember me as a truck drivin’, harley ridin’ mama.

Keep on truckin.

All my love,

Sandi