hi everyone!

kevin and i are SUPER busy today getting everyone packed up so he and nora can roll out in the morning but i just wanted to let you know that mom is patiently awaiting our flight on monday at highgate senior living here in bozeman.  she’s awfully bored and LOVES to visit.  so if you missed the party (or even if you came) and would like to pay her a visit before we go – please do!

she currently resides in the chalet.  if you go to the front desk they’ll make sure you get to her.

thanks again for all your prayers and well wishes.

tonight was mom’s going away party.  i decided early this week that i should get together as many people as i could to send her off.  i knew it would lift her spirits – and boy did it ever.  the turnout was insane.  it. was. PACKED.  she was so happy.  she was back to her smiling, happy, bubbly self that has seemingly disappeared for the last year or so.

there were some really awkward moments today during the preparation.  i spent a lot of the day thinking about what to have them write on the cake… “we’ll miss you?”  no – too sad.  “have fun in oregon?”  no – too weird.  dying, i imagine, isn’t going to be fun.  “see you in another life, brother?”  no – i don’t think anyone loves lost as much as kevin and i.  alas.

luckily costco was prepared for this kind of situation and had a lovely fall colored cake with roses on it.  no room for writing.  perfection.

mom spent most of the day watching tv, napping and being anxious about her party.  a day well spent really.  i cleaned up about quarter after 8 and there were still people there laughing and visiting with her.  thank you for that you guys. 🙂

me, well, i spent my day running around like a crazy person.  there is SO much to do to get 5 people ready to leave their home for 4 months.  and – i got a bomb dropped on me today.  dr. hogue (the hospitalist at bozeman deaconess) discharged my mom on tuesday of this week and i gave her the information to the hospice in lincoln city and asked if there was anything else i needed to do.  she said no – they would take care of it from there.  and so – i bought into that.  i called hospice this morning to make sure hospice had everything they needed and they informed me that had nothing.  i said, “uhh… nothing, nothing?  or nothing?”  they replied, “nothing, nothing.  no orders – no medical records – nothing.”  sweet.

so i spent the day tracking down medical records and out of town doctors to order hospice.  it wasn’t pretty.  i *almost* didn’t get a shower before the party… but kevin saved the day.  you’re welcome for that all you party-goers.  🙂

lori (the super sweet property manager we are renting from in lincoln city) called to tell me that hospice set up mom’s bed today and they have the house ready for our arrival.  i’m so glad to have found such a wonderful, kind understanding lady to help me facilitate this move.

which reminds me – you want to see our new digs?  mom is VERY excited.  and i’m so happy we can give her this gift.  we are blessed – even in the midst of the storm.

without further ado:

after her doctors left the room when they told us she was no longer being considered as a candidate for transplant i told her i had two plans ready to go and would choose based on what they said.

when i told her we were going to the beach her eyes lit up. and she smiled. and it lessened the blow of the news. she sat a little taller and her eyes sparkled. it was magical.

i’m so grateful to be able to do this.

she was discharged from the hospital on monday and she pretty much started to decline immediately. since her liver is functioning at 10% or less – it’s just not getting the toxins out of her body… so the only way for her to continue to live is for her to poop them out. (TMI? sorry…) so she takes a medicine that makes her… well… you know. and she has to go like 2-4 times a day. and that’s hard on her. and yesterday she didn’t go at all… and that’s what makes her ammonia levels high which is what makes her lose her mind – which is ultimately what will be her cause of death.

SO – all that said – they are trying really hard to keep her as competent as possible so we can get on the plane. but she’s slowing down.

but – we CAN still bring her to the hospital. and i’m almost kind of hoping i can admit her one more time before we go so that she’ll be fresh out the hospital. she usually is good for a week or so right out the hospital and we are having to spend that week getting everything ready. i’m going as fast as i can – but it seems its not fast enough.

please keep praying… Lord knows we need em.

i’ve been busy ya’ll. 18 hour days are about. to. kill. me.

talked to the specialist on monday who informed us mom likely has less than 3 months left. so i rented this house for 4 months and we’re going to make the best of what we have left.

kev and lula are leaving MT on sunday and are driving to portland and mama, g-mack and i fly into PDX on monday afternoon. they will pick us up and we’ll head for the beach.

these last fews days have been CRAZY BUSY and pretty much until we leave we are out of control busy. there are SO many details that have to get done. we’re renting our house to some college girls, i have to empty my mom’s assisted living apartment, clean out her storage, get my house ready to rent (kill me now), pack five people for 4 months (uggghhh… lolz), make sure bills are paid, mail is forwarded, doctors/dentists and everyone else is cancelled and rescheduled for sometime after january – and that’s just the beginning.

i’ve made a lot of progress and still have a long way to go. got lula signed up for preschool there today. she. is. PUMPED! we figure she’ll need a break from the goings on too. and school will be great for her.

people keep asking me how i’m doing with all of this and i guess i’m ok. turns out i’m pretty tough. and – i just don’t have time to wear the “ugh – my mom is dying and i’m the sad daughter” hat right now. too much to be done, know what i mean?

i’m stressed tho – and my mom is sad. she cries all the time and keeps saying, “well, i could live another year or two.” and that hurts my heart. because in all reality once we stop aggressive medical treatment (ie: hospice care) she likely won’t live the 4 months we rented the house but i can’t just say, “yo – you’re dying. we are going there because you will die there. so let’s stop talking about it.”  my heart is breaking…

also – and perhaps biggest, best news of all – for the first time ever – i prayed over my mom. i prayed for her. and with her. and she accepted God and cried out to him. and so – i know where she’s going and it brings SUCH joy. <3

it’s stressful. but it’s coming together. and i’ve never felt more at peace with the whole situation than i do right now. i KNOW we are doing the right thing. i just can’t make her continue to suffer. it’s heartbreaking.

thanks for the well wishes/prayers and outreach guys. i appreciate it!